Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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