Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
