So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
