We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
