Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
