Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
