I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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