She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
