did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
