you guys were way drunker than both of me
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
