lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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