we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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