I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
