Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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