Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
