We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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