Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize