so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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