Pants 0. Shit 1.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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