When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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