Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Barsexuality is the new black.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
