No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
