So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize