i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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