I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
