i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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