"it" just moved
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
