my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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