I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize