I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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