She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I deserve this hangover.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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