you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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