how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So vagazzling was a success
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
