I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
