Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
