when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
