I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
