It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize