I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
