She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
