a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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