May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
