Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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