he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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