She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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