I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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