I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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