i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize