Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
