I want you more than these girls want KFC
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
