just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
