I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize