Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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