we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
