The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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