There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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