I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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