You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
