Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hate all girls vehemently.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
