I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
