I showed him my bush... on skype.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
