'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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