East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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