shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
