SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize